Monday, July 23, 2012

certain men's tennis shoes piss me off

They're uncalled for, and they're ridiculous.

Treads like an Abrams tank. Exaggerated girth, hyperbolic arch. Embossed with a bunch of techno-gizmo-nonsense. Stupid colors.

A regular-sized guy's feet now look like Size 20. Massive tennis shoes. Squat kayaks for muskrats to paddle down the river in.

Sometimes, you find these on guys in their fifties, wearing starched faded jeans. It's horrifying!

And think about it. After floating around all day in these swollen tennis shoes, you take them off at night. In your nekkid and now real feet, you begin to sway. The fake hyper-arch is now gone. You also experience the  shock of instant top-heaviness, from an impression that your feet are now the size of an infant's. Vertigo sets in, and you fall in a heap to the floor. You struggle back up to a standing position. To move now, you must hop on what seems like pegs instead of sashaying around on real human feet. Who in their right mind wants to live in such a manner?

Something must be done about this.

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