Tuesday, March 30, 2010


by the Gothic Rangers

The M.D. he said, "Who beat you up?"
I said, "Nobody that I'm aware of."
He said, "Your eyes are sunken like you've been through the grinder."
I said, "Well, I don't feel quite right, that's why I have hired you.
Things seem askew and I'm hurting all over.
Won't you heat up that stethoscope, this room is gettin' colder.
Something is up, might be an Asian virus.
I Googled that diagnosis, now I'm runnin' it by ya."
He said, "I've poked all around and performed all the tests,
but nothing jumped out, let me phone someone else."

The psychiatrist said, "What is your gripe?"
I said, " Everything's wrong and I can't sleep at night."
He said, "Why don't you take some of my thorazine?"
I said, "Set me right up with a full magazine.
And if you've got time for some talkin' therapy,
Please analyse my condition, maybe hypnotize me.
Because I think I'm in a dissociative state.
All my colors seem to have lost their smell and their shape."
He said, "Sounds like something really deep in your head.
If your wiring's shorted out, you'll need a specialist."

One doctor, then two, now I'm shootin' for three.
All of these referrals are starting to worry me.

The neurosurgeon said, "Just lie there real still."
I said, "Go ahead and fire up your Black & Decker drill."
He said, "We're getting close to cerebral paydirt."
I said, "Good, and don't forget to cauterize the hurt.
And as long as you're in there, please remove my libido.
I suggest you wear lead-lined gloves for retrieval.
I'm pretty sure it's toxic, maybe radioactive.
Just ask that interesting woman I found attractive."
He said, "You might not want to hear it, but I found nothing amiss.
At least physical, I'll give my Rolodex some spins."

The medicine man said, "Here, chew these peyote buttons."
I said, "That might do the trick, I'm runnin' out of options."
He said, "Soon as it hits, let me know what you see."
I said, "It's workin' already, she's right in front of me.
I might be hallucinatin' but I'll take what I can get.
It's better than reality, I think this is time well spent.
She don't want me in real life, so this world is cool.
She's smiling at me right now in her spirit substitute.
He said, "Let me prescribe you a supplemental thing.
Here's Roy CD, three times a day queue up "In Dreams."

One doctor, then two, then three tried out their skills.
But it took referral number four to exorcize my ills.

Words and music by Robert T Buck

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